The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
