My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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