I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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