fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
