wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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