im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We just shotgunned beers for America
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
