I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
