i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
