Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
