He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
