How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
