who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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