If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I deserve this hangover.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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