I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
