i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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