If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize