I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The feeling are messing with the penis
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
