my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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