Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
