An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
