I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
