i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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