yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
