I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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