i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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