I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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