I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
