So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize