If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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