Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
