TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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