PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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