I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
