how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
