There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
