Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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