Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
