Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
