Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
