your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
