I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
