low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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