Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
