hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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