Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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