does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
