i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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