omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
