No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
