We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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