You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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