I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
