Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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