Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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