Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
