I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
