The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
