I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
