I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
