He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
