You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
