she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
