5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
