before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
