ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
