mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
