god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A bitchslap is in order.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
