I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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