marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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