forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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